The mind is a beautiful thing but it can be really tricky too. As a black man, it’s not too common to be open and express your emotions, or to just open up and talk about things you may be going through or struggling with. I think many shy away from it because of what they were taught growing up or maybe simply because they feel they may be judged by others or called soft or weak. I mean I can only speak from personal experience and things I observe. Personally, I like keeping things personal and deal with them on my own. Probably partially cause of the way I am and partially because of the reasons I mentioned above. With everything that black men face everyday, and not just black men but black people period, it’s not healthy to battle some of the things that we do, and never speak to anyone about it. I’m just going to be honest, I’m a professional athlete, yes I make more money than the average person, and yes people probably think my life is glamorous and in some ways it is, but life can be hard, and really stressful at times. I don’t think anybody goes into situations looking for stress but it seems to always find you, no matter where you are. Life is life, and it comes with the potential for anything to happen, whether it’s good or it’s bad, but at the end of the day you can only control what you can control. I’ve dealt with enough in my 26 years of life to last a lifetime, and at times I thought I was just unhappy with my situation or life at the time, but looking back now, some of the symptoms that go with what I was dealing with, were symptoms of depression. Was I depressed? I don’t think so, I’ve been through a lot in life and I’ve always tried to find the positives in the situation to help me get through it. People deal with and battle all kind of mental struggles everyday but are too afraid to talk to someone and get help. Now that I’m getting older and I view things differently, if I was to go through something that took me to a place of unhappiness or just a place that I didn’t want to be mentally, I would speak to somebody and get the help I may need. And I would encourage anybody else to do the same. It doesn’t make sense to be able to get help with something but choose not to because you’re afraid to or you feel that you may be judged because of it. Many peoples lives could’ve been saved if they might have just got the help they needed, or maybe just talked to somebody about the things they were going through.
Things seem to become more and more peaceful in certain areas of my life, but others not so much. It’s crazy and somewhat interesting how when you’re young, the decisions you make usually don’t hold much weight but as you get older, every decision you make counts and can impact you for the rest of your life. Sometimes I sit back and just think about my life. Not just my career, but personal life and things I’ve been through. No matter how small the situation or the decisions might’ve seemed at the time, they all matter. Life is pretty much a game of trial and error because many times I felt I was making the best or right decision, but it turned out being a bad one. I know there’s purpose in everything you go through in life, things help you build character, and help mold you into the person you’re supposed to become. But even at the age of 26, some things are still really puzzling to me. I know I’m not supposed to have everything figured out by now, and I’m still learning and trying to grow and mature in some areas of life but there isn’t always clarity in the purpose of the things I have to go through. They say “there’s beauty in the struggle”, but things aren’t always pretty. I just take everything in stride, try to remember the things that matter to me most and try to continue to work towards my life goals and take care of my family.